left behind..???

i wanted to have a carrier ..but where n when will i get it...its like now getting to late for me to noe which path should i really go...i no..i'm alone in this world...all my frens...i juz dunno wat to do anymore...i juz cant really let it get to me...i juz wanted to have frens that i can count on but sometimes i feel like there's no one there for me...there's only a few but how long it can stand...now i feel like i have changed again..may b i'm the one that keep on changing...sometimes i juz feel like running from all of this...haiz...now yes i still have closed frens...but i feel like we are getting apart...i really miss the old us...where we can meet...can talk juz about anything...all of them..i do miss them..but seen all the thing that ever happen..not that i dint forget bout that but i juz cant forget..i do forgive them but juz still got something that bother me so much till it make me only wan to be alone, dreaming all day..
Enuf with my frens..its my working place now...haiz..how i wish i can work at a place wer can give me a steady feeling even its mean i need to work hard...but i dun mind...i wan to work hard but all i wan n ask for is to work in environment which i can feel safe not scare all the time...n most important is to be the real me...oh god...juz help guide ur child here...amen...

not only that...in my family..i do feel sumtimes juz too locked inside a cage...haiz...i juz wish i can fly from this cage..but still can return without being locked back...i noe to took care of my self..yes sumtimes i'm so un-aware of my life but its part of learning right...am i ask too much..???haiz..hope after this all gonna get better soon...bless me n all ur child oh god...amen...